‘ How I Got into Debt in My Search for Love ‘

This is my story: ​Simply l start with me and my debt’s that to say the least were massive, caused by wanting some people might say, and they would be right in part.

Though ​I did want not cars, houses and trappings of wealth, but simply to be loved. In fact half a million pounds worth of wanting to be loved. So here is my story …….. well at least part one!!! ​Part will come when l can find the words and the feelings. ​

That’s right just to be loved by someone who thought l was more important than the pound in my pocket.

Maybe l should say a little about that last statement. It all started when l was a child and my parents did not have time for me, in fact they were too busy to care about me, except when they wanted me to be a parent. That is right as a child l needed to do their job for them, and sort out my own problems​,and also my younger brothers problems. When ever he got himself in trouble ,they called on me to get him out of trouble, and l did. Though when it went wrong and he took no notice it was my fault, not my brother’s or my parent’s.

So we move quickly forward to 1984 l was by now just 30 – still a child in many ways and still breaking up the fights over money – sorry forgot mention my parents driving force, it was money or simply pounds, shillings and pence. They argued incessantly over every penny, meanwhile my brother carried on getting into scrap’s and l carried on bailing him out.

It was at this time in April of that year my dad became ill, rushed into hospital and diagnosed with Leukemia and my mother fell back on me to become the father figure, looking after bills and sorting out – well everything. You see my dad was of Victorian upbringing and l was brought up by him as he was, so l knew no different, you became a man at 14 and that was that, well l was 30 and my dad in my eyes was dying.

Though nobody would still talk to me about it, my brother had gone​ off, marrying the first girl who would have him, and l was left sorting everything out.

Well he did die after 9 hard months and l was not there, for the first time in my entire life, l was doing something for me, well someone else really but not my family. I was earning a crust, money – doing a job of insuring another persons home. You see in the morning l phoned the hospital and he was in a coma, no change.

But when l got back the answering machine was flashing, and the words were my uncles – l never forget them: ‘ Come Quick Your Dad’s Dying ‘ l never drove so fast in my life – but it was too late their faces told me it all. He is dead he died 10 minutes ago, you are too late.

So after the funeral and everything was sorted by me, well who else​, and everyone but me had grieved l started trying to get him to love me. You see he never said a word to me about that all my life, l wanted to hear those words so much and to know and feel he really cared.

So l started to build a business and make him proud of me and to do that l borrowed money, something l had never ever done, but all l could remember him saying were these words ‘ People will ​L​ove you if you have MONEY but 6 years later and half a million in debt, all my so-called friends disappeared and all l was left ​with ​
with was debt. I lost everything houses, cars and eventually my health and l had a nervous breakdown.

It was only then my mother who l had taken care of since he died, came to help me and nobody​ else. So this would seem finally l would receive this so-called love at 36. She did what she could but really when l was well enough it was my turn to take over again with the after words still ringing in my ears, l look after you when you were ill, so l need your help now. So l became my so-called brother/mothers keeper, well she had grabbed my arm and said to my brother at the funeral 6 years before, l have got Ian now.

Time moves forward some years l reach 55 left home and numbers of failed relationships looking for love, not a rich man but not what l call poor man. One day l find out after a visit she has not been eating, taking her tablets for thyroid problems and basically not looking after herself. Well being me l started to look after her​ full-time​ ,taking care of everything eventually​,as l tried to get her to care for herself. But she had this problem it was called the truth and my mother could not tell the truth if her life depended on it, and as it turned out it did.

 As the years progressive l looked after her and left my care position after 4 years and became a so-called main carer, with my financial and organised manner l was able to sort-out a basic care package, 2 hours a day, to visit and leave a meal. The problem was my mother wanted her own way, l would say take you​r ​time walking and she would run and when she ended up falling, she became reliant on a walking aid.

It got worst and she feel more often on a number of oc​c​assion​​s cracking her head and being admitted to hospital to be patched up. Finally on the 40th fall – that is right 40 falls she lands on her hip, lucky does not crack it​,but traps a blood vessel and that would eventually become too painful to walk.

 It is now 4 years later and she is housebound, being hoisted chair to bed and chair to commode, l am her fully time slave, now 2 houses full-time cooking cleaning and no real money, savings gone, no job. Nearly lose the roof over my head and bailed out by my mum, but with a proviso or should l say promise never put me in a care home, you look after me here in my home.

No choice agree. ………. so l did as always..!!

It is now 2014 – 30 years since my dad died and l started looking after my mum, her health deteriorates, as she still wants her own way, l am now in debt as l have no real income and suddenly l realise she is dying. It hits me hard, harder than l ever realised l have known nothing first since l became her carer. We struggle through Christmas and Jan​uary arrives nothing changes and mother is now bed ridden, catharised and refusing to take her tablets, drink or even eat.

 On the 15th January she is admitted to hospital and l go back to where 30 years before my dad was dying and now my Mum is dying as well.

We talk about going full circle well l have done just that gone full circle.

I w​as 61 on the 25th January and l was 16 when l started working in a job my dad put into, as his words spoken were ‘ l looked after you for 16 years now you need to get a job and pay your way ‘ after 45 years l am still doing a job l was put into namely nursing my Mum until she died.

 Part Two …………….. in next​ …!!!

Ace News Room

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‘ Musing on Unsung Hero’s Working in our Community ‘

Good day my fellow news room readers and thanks for following my stories. Today is Sunday and the clocks went back last night giving people in the UK more light in the mornings.

So up early and my partner is off to work, as those that know my stories and read the Ace News Group posts on Facebook, know l have a partner, a really lovely person and she is a chef.

She is an unsung hero, a person who when everyone is in bed, gets up and goes to work in a Care Home cooking food and providing hospitality, to those in need of sustenance.

Now after 30 years plus she is training people to become good cooks, like her, and these people who want, because it is a want to become great cooks, may one day become a good chef.

So what do you need to become a great cook:

Well three things are required and these are simply love, care and consideration, not just of food but of people as well.

When you cook, clean and provide hospitality you must do all these things with one thought and one thought only, l do not do it for myself. But so others will enjoy my food.

Now my partner is nobody special, she does not aspire to accolades or plaques on the wall, she asks but one thing, that people love her food. Because if they love it, she loves cooking it and if she loves cooking it, she is happy and content.

So on this day Sunday l pay tribute to my partner, a great cook and chef, who thinks about nothing but other people. So l thank God l am lucky enough to know her.

She is my unsung hero for Sunday, tell me who your unsung hero is and l will print and post your story.

Ian Draper (Editor in Chief)
Ace News Room

Tags: Ace News Room – Unsung Heroes – Love – Care – Consideration

#ace-news-room, #care-home, #chef, #uk